These are the words of my father who is confined to bed since the month of October last. Since so many of you have been praying for my father’s health and well being and wanted to know how he was doing, I thought of sharing with you some news of him.

First of all I would like to express my sincere thanks in the name of my father and all the members of my family for all your prayers offered and sacrifices made and are still doing so for my father’s speedy recovery. My father told me to tell you that he is extremely grateful to you and to God for you. He told me that all that he wants is to do God’s will. He will willingly accept all the suffering as God wants and as long as he wants it. He continues to beg prayers for courage to accept suffering and strength to endure it and wisdom to christianize it and make it all the more redemptive. I do know that he is what he is by the grace of God and because of all the prayers and sacrifices of so many of you. May the good Lord bless and reward you abundantly.

My father was born on 2 May 1914 in the State of Kerala, which is in the Southwest of India. Until two months ago his health was quite well and his mind extremely lucid and his memory active. But then he had a fall, which made him confine to bed. He slowly began to lose his memory and his mind confused. My sister and her family, who take such wonderful care of him, decided to admit him in a good hospital and told me that he was getting worse. They also felt that he was critical. Not only that he was really going from bad to worse but those who were with him did not know what to do with him in the situation he was in now. They began to feel frightened and insisted that my sister and I should go to visit him as he was continually asking for us. He became one of the poorest of the poor; reduced so unexpectedly and so suddenly from his life long independence to complete dependence.

Many days went by. It was hard for me to decide. I prayed hard and prayed much; and drew lots twice, as St. Peter did when he wanted to choose another apostle in the place of Judas (cf. Acts 1, 23-26). Both times the answer was positive, that I should go. My doubts disappeared with regard to whether it was God’s will or not that I should go to visit him, but my pain and suffering continued. I prayed even more ardently. The experience was rich and profound.

And finally I left Rome in the morning of Sunday 24^th November 2002 and reached on 25^th late morning in Mangalore, in the State of Karnataka. From the airport I went directly to the hospital, which is about 27-Km’s distance. Before I went to see my father, I decided to go to the nearby parish and beg the priest for hospitality. This I did. The pastor came running to welcome me as if he knew me for all his life and as if he was waiting for me. He did not want to listen to my explanations. I felt humbled for such warm welcome and generous hospitality. Leaving my luggage I went to see my father straight away.

I was shocked to see him both hands tied, all kinds of tubes and needles on his body. With a tube he was fed through the nose. For me it was like Jesus hanging on the cross. If it were not for the prayers and sacrifices of my Brothers and so many of you, it would have been very hard for me to accept. My brother, brother-in-law and my nephew were with him. It was difficult for him to speak. I waited for the doctor to talk with and see what was the best thing to do for him. The doctor was so kind and gentle. He told me that he too was Catholic. I could sense it from his words and behavior. From the scanning it became clear to him that there was not much more to do or any real hospital treatment that would make him feel better. He told me that it was up to us to keep him in the hospital or take him home.

We decided to do the latter on Wednesday 29^th November evening. My sister Leelamma from California arrived in the morning and then in the evening as planned we traveled home, over three hours’ drive in an ambulance. Since then he receives home care and home nursing, surrounded by many family members, immediate and distant, the neighbors; an average of thirty to forty visitors a day, at least when we were there.

When Leelamma arrived I asked my father whether he knew her at all. His answer was "I do not remember to have seen her before". It took sometime to recognize her. And then he cried saying that he had given up hope to see her again except in heaven. We took off all the tubes and started giving him liquid things through the mouth, even though it is rather demanding for him. His hands too are now free. His face is very radiant. Although he is becoming weaker and weaker in body, he looks very graceful. Each day I prayed with him at least five decades of the rosary and some other prayers. He is very happy to pray and prays alone a lot. Then he gives pieces of advice and beautiful messages. He told one of my nephews that it is better that he suffers rather than he makes Jesus suffer. One time I asked him whether he liked to come with me to see one of my brothers. His answer to that was "I must go where Jesus calls me". I told him that we should go together to Jesus. Straight away he said: "It is not for us to decide but Jesus". He told another nephew: "Remember that God created us to love. We must love as Jesus loved. Never offend God. If we do not love Him and each other, then we offend Him. We make Him suffer".

He asked for a priest. The parish priest came to anoint him and to give him Holy Communion. Of course in his presence he made me to administer the sacraments of the sick and Holy Communion.

It was a grace for me to be with him, to take some little care of him and above all to listen to him and pray with him. I came to understand the depth of his faith and his profound conviction of accepting and doing God’s will. But now the time came for me and Leelamma to part from him and from the rest of the family.

It was hard and heart renting, but I entrusted him and all those who look after him so well to the care and protection of the Holy Family. My sister and I left on Friday 6 December to two different directions. She returned home in S. Francisco while I to our home for our homeless handicapped boys in Delhi, about 2,600 km from my home. On the way I stopped to see my brother in bed, who had met with a motorcycle accident and broke his leg. My brother-in-law who is doing such wonderful job with my father also has been sick in bed as one of his feet got swollen.

At times it is hard for us to understand the will and plan of God, and what does he really want to communicate. My everyday life teaches me to love God all the more, to trust Him more lovingly and more blindly. "Surrender to God and he will do everything for you". And yet my long experience of religious life tells me that our life on earth is a struggle, a battle and a dark night experience. This is true especially if we have to do something worthwhile. Gold is to be melted and purified in the fire, and the more the gold is tested the brighter it becomes. Our growth in holiness demands much pain, which has to be baptized. The Christian’s suffering in love then becomes a vocation…as Jesus told Mother Teresa: "Your vocation is to love and to suffer and to save souls". Only through contemplation we come to understand the Christian meaning and the redemptive value of human suffering.

Christmas is not a time to speak much about suffering, because the joy is so great that it makes us forget all the pain. It is not that the Holy Family, Mary and Joseph did not suffer. No, They suffered many inconveniences, much pain and sorrow. But the birth of Jesus made them forget all their poverty, misery and destitution. The center of their life was the newborn child and their concern was to make him feel happy and his life comfortable.

Since 20^th December Mother Teresa is proclaimed Venerable. What a great privilege for us all to see someone whom we knew so well and so long is going to be beatified on Mission Sunday 19^th October 2003. Let us praise and thank God for this great gift and try to become humble like Mary and holy like Jesus. Those who intend to participate in the beatification ceremony may contact the M.C. Sisters of the same area where you will get all the necessary information required to obtain to get the tickets and also any other information connected with it. There is only one kind of ticket for all the participants. The number of tickets is unlimited and free of charge. You also need to inform how many will attend the Thanksgiving Mass at St. Peter’s i.e.20 October 2003. Please do not wait to ask for tickets till the last minute. This applies with regard to your travel arrangements and lodgings. You may have to do all these without delay.

Forms are available in English, French, German, Spanish, Portuguese and Italian on the official website of Mother’s cause (www.motherteresacause.info).

I conclude this letter by wishing you all a very happy and holy Christmas and a peacefilled New Year 2003. Because he loved us God became man; because he loves us Jesus becomes the Bread of Life; and because he wants us to become holy Jesus comes to us through the hungry one, the thirsty one, the naked one, the homeless one etc (cf. Jn 3, 16; Jn 6, 54; Mt 25, 31-46).

Thank you for everything. I’m praying much for all of you, especially this holy season of Christmas and New Year. God blesses you.